Biden Buying Chinese Drones
President Biden's decision to buy drones from China has spurred concerns that China will implant technology that allows them to remotely control the devices. Biden defended his decision by citing several key advantages to the deal.
“First, I’ve spent more time with President Xi of China than any world leader has,” Biden boasted. “Just the two of us man-to-man. While I couldn't understand most of what he said, I got the definite vibe that he is a cool guy. I trust him. My son Hunter trusts him. I don't think he would do anything to harm this country.”
“Second, trade between our two countries is a good thing,” Biden asserted. “Us buying their drones puts money in Xi's pocket. One of the things I've learned from my 50 years in politics is that when you give someone money they tend to like you. I'm confident that Xi likes me and wouldn't do anything to either interrupt the flow of cash or make me look foolish.”
“Third, we plan to use the drones only for surveillance of domestic terrorists,” Biden promised. “This is an objective that I think Xi also supports. He would have no incentive to try to thwart this effort. This surveillance will increase my power as president and narrow the philosophical gap between our two systems of government.”
Former Director of National Intelligence John Ratcliffe called the President's reasoning “pure foolishness. Buying remotely controlled drones from our nation's most dangerous adversary is highly inadvisable. The assurance that said drones will only be used for domestic surveillance in itself is, in my opinion, a good reason to scuttle the deal.”
Press Secretary Jen Psaki refuted Ratcliffe's concerns by pointing out that “the President doesn't care what anyone else thinks about this decision. It is, as they say, a done deal.”
In related news, Biden unveiled his plan to replace fossil fuels with green energy supplies imported from China. “Luckily for us, China is going all out to install as much fossil fuel powered manufacturing as it can over the next few years so it can cheaply produce the wind, solar, and battery technologies that we need in America to generate clean energy,” he said. “The bond of friendship I built with Xi when I was vice-president is what enables us to move forward with this portion of the Green New Deal. Xi's willingness to suffer the pollution that will increase in his own country demonstrates a nobility rarely seen in government leaders.”
